OK, so it has been a while since I have written anything. I still have not settled into a rhythm of life with family, mom, kids and work. It seems like I am always running around or trying to rest my mind....
Monday my wife and I turned 25 years old. It is hard to believe that we have been married 25 years - the time has zipped by. It seems like just yesterday we were walking down the aisle and then trying to start our life together despite a rocky start on our wedding night (if you want that story, ask my older brother; it was mostly of his doing).
What have I learned in 25 years of living together with my wife....
1. Marriage is hard. There are times when I did not like my wife; never stopped loving her; just didn't like her. It takes total commitment during these times to focus on obedience to God about the covenant that I made with her. Kind of like God must feel when I sin and He has to rely on His covenant with me.
2. Kids are the hardest part of a marriage. It seems like most of the friction that we have in our marriage is in the area of raising our kids. This is not to say that kids are bad, it is just saying that they are the lightning rod to teach you about how different you are. Because of the way we were brought up in two different families, our different approaches to life, our different focus on what areas of training are needed, etc. I have found that we have the same goals, we just try and reach the goals with different strategies (which causes friction!). I find that when we are alone without the kids we revert back to what it was like sans kids. having said that, I think that having kids has given me the greatest potential to identify what parts of me need changing and what parts of me need to grow.
3. Loving someone is hard; being loved is hard. I really don't like it when my wife talks to me about something in me that is sin. I know that she is doing it for my good, but it still stinks. It is hard to be loved; I mean REALLY loved. it is also hard to love. I really don't like confronting my wife - I would rather have peace (short term) instead of emotion. Loving her is sometimes hard and I have to wade through it and not shut her down.
4. It is worth it. I know that this will be true ultimately and I see glimpses of it almost everyday (sometimes big, sometimes small) if I am aware.
5. Whenever I do a wedding, I focus on Ephesians 5 - the part of marriage being a picture of Christ and His bride; the church. I feel constrained to love my wife and have a good marriage so that others can understand what Jesus' commitment to His bride is. It is infinitely harder for Him but I want to be a good picture!
Not a real romantic picture of marriage, but hey what did you expect from an engineer!