I have been thinking this week about change; moving my heart away from sin toward holiness. I am convinced the critical first step in this process is brokenness; brokenness of MY spirit. I think this is what Jesus meant when He said to "pick up our cross daily to follow him" or what Paul meant when he said "I die daily".
I have found that if I am not totally broken over my sin; if I even have a hint of self righteousness, I will not have the impetus to change. When I am broken; when I really understand the impacts of my sin and weep before God to change me: then I will change.
I have witnessed people who make the statement: I know that I have some things to change, but..... That "but" stops them from changing; from seeing their sin, from confessing and repenting and ultimately from changing. They will blame others (like Adam - that woman you gave me....) and never do the hard work of change. They do not assume responsibility; they have an "out" to NOT change (it wasn't me and therefore I really don't have to change).
I have learned that in order to effect change in my life, I have to assume 100% responsibility for disharmony in relationships. I have to assume responsibility and not make ANY excuses. I have to be broken over my sin and the effects of it. THEN I can begin to allow God to affect the process of change in me.